I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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