I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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