How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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