Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
