one might say we're banned from that church
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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