Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
