Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
