I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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