Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
