im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
