He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
