we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
