There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
