Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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