I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When are your genitals available?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
