Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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