he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
