Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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