Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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