There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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