Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
