you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
