I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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