Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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