there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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