Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
