she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
