Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
