Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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