I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
