should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
