your parents love me but you hate me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize