Do vagina's smell?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
