If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was born a porn star she said
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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