your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
