Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
