Michael Bay diarrhea
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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