I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
