Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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