You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
