Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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