very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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