it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
