I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
