you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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