I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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