He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
