my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
