i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
