you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
