Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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