ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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