Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
