i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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