i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
