i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
