I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
