I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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