So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
