Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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