I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
that may or may not have been my penis.
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