The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize