That's when you crack a 10am beer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
