Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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