hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
