i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
