THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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