I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
