This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this just has baby written all over it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
