That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
