Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
