Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
