im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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