no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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