Nicole vs. Life
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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