This house was built for laser tag.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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