i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
