And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
