Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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