if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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