White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
