we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
