thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize