I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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