Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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