Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
