Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
