I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
