feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
