We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
