i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize