Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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