i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize