She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think my moral compass just broke
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
