Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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