Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
