i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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